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When a Friend Asks For Advice But Really Doesn’t Want It
Take my advice, I’m not using it
Do you have a friend or family member who often asks for your opinion or advice on a situation they have in their life? How often do they thank you and then make the changes you suggested? I’m betting not very often, if at all.
Why do they ask for your advice or opinion on something and then get mad that you aren’t agreeing with them?
I think the truth is that they don’t want any kind of advice; they want to complain about their life or a situation. They are stuck in the problem and really aren’t looking for a solution.
In fact, I think this is their way of getting attention from people. The problem is that after a while, no one wants to interact with them. No one wants to keep hearing the same problem when it is obvious that they aren’t going to do anything about it.
What to Say When a Friend is Stuck on a Problem
You have a couple of choices when it comes to dealing with people like this. They do have the right to ignore your solution. But you have the right to decide how you want to handle them.
If they ask for your opinion time and time again and then get mad when you offer it, perhaps it is time to just commiserate with them. You can just keep saying: “I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It must be awful to deal with this.” Or, you can avoid having anything to do with them.
On the other hand, there are a couple of other solutions. Once you have commiserated with them for a few minutes, you can change the subject. This might not work all the time since they are entrenched in sharing their story.
It is frustrating to have someone coming to you all the time with a problem they don’t want to fix. The best thing you can do is look for ways to take care of yourself.
One of the ways that works for me is to ask the person if they want a solution or if they just want to vent. If they say they want to vent, then all you have to do is listen and add in…
